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Together

I saw Amber’s Instagram posts shift last winter; grief moved in.

As spring emerged, Amber reached out with an ordinary, yet extraordinary, request: capture her whole family’s summer day without her beloved stepfather. Bruce was a guiding force of good and joy in their lives for more than two decades and his sudden absence was palpable. The previous fall, he bought a new house with a pool with dreams of watching his grandchildren spend their summers here with blithe squeals and laughter arching over the rooftops and pouring out into the sweet, idyllic neighborhood. He not only imagined refreshing plunges and tranquil floats but also full gatherings with platefuls of food, bright chatter, and games on end. He laid the foundation of halcyon days.

What little I know of grief I equate with Michael Rosen’s Going On A Bear Hunt: you can’t go around it, you can’t go under it,  you can’t go over it. You must go through it. And sticking together is helpful.

And so, Amber requested I document the day that Bruce envisioned.  An Ordinary Summer’s Day. Together.

Family gathers in backyard pool. Six people in various parts of the pool: jumping, splashing, sitting.

I feel strongly Amber’s own voice is needed here, and I am incredibly grateful she agreed. I leave you here with Amber’s story.

I pull out a photo of you and show it to your grandsons. You are instantly recognizable to them despite just two and two years’ worth of deposits made to their memory banks.  The tightness in my throat loosens and I exhale. “They have not yet forgotten you.” They always comment on your mustache first, opening the door to my favorite story, the one and only day you shaved your mustache. It was your first daughter’s wedding day and we had never seen you without a mustache before. Why you picked that important day will always be a mystery to us but knowing you documented that poor decision in hundreds of photos always makes us laugh.  It feels good to laugh.  I exhale again.  I miss you.

Young girl holds a rainbow poop emoji flotation device in the pool.

Boy in mid-jump into the pool.

The same force that motivated you to shave your mustache was the same force in play the day you decided we must have this house.  It was uncharacteristic for us to take a family walk; a work of fate perhaps. You audibly exhaled as you stood from your chair, the same way you did when you hoisted your grandsons into your arms, full of love and effort.  The ‘For Sale’ sign next door to the historical site was too tempting for your son-in-law’s love of Zillow. Just moments later we were taking a virtual tour and falling head over heels. It was always a dream of yours to have a swimming pool and through the fence and late summer foliage, we could see that water glisten.  Only you would text your realtor on a Saturday evening declaring this house must be yours.  

I loved your innocent impulsivity.  You just always said ‘yes’ to things.

Girl floats on her back in the pool with arms stretched out.

Dad holds young son on his belly while they float on dad's back across the pool.

You moved in one crisp fall day but not until you helped the elderly couple move out of your new dream home. Of course, you did. You had the most genuine heart.  No longer would retirement dreams hover somewhere in your future, they began immediately with that house. But as the leaves turned their golds and reds and ambers, we knew we would have to wait to use the new pool. And so we made this house a home in other ways while we held tight to your summer dream.

Three kids hang from the diving board in the deep end.

Mom holds young son while wrapped in beach towels. Both are smiling. Small black dog in the foreground.

The winter sun set only to rise in a completely different world. This was a world without you in it. We blended seamlessly with the cruelty of winter; darker days and hardened exteriors, our tears accumulating from a storm without warning. And so we took shelter just beneath our surfaces to understand what grief would mean for each one of us, hoping to stay protected. Twenty-four years of family roots proved strong.

We would rise to summer despite it all.

Two women play a game with two young boys at a picnic table outside.

Dad jumps into the swimming pool off diving board. Small child awaits happily in the pool below. black and white. Boy jumps into water, Dad joyfully catches him.

The sky was blue and filled with puffy clouds, the mature trees green again and the water clear.  It was time to swim. Laughter filled the air alongside the cardinal’s song as each of your grandchildren took their turn jumping into the pool.  Back floats, cannon balls, dives, made up games; just try to get them out of the water. Their only job was to have fun and it was catching. Everyone wore your hat, passed along by all and worn better by everyone than you, especially your youngest daughter. Grandma looked on with her steady presence and for the briefest of moments, the joy her grandchildren brought to her life erased the sadness. Still a wife, she wore your wedding bands on a chain, close to her heart.  It was only right we toast you and thank you for all that you had given us.

“To Bruce”

woman holds wedding bands on a necklace chain

two women bring a tray of champagne and apple juice and glasses outside

Boy gets wrapped in a towel coming out of the pool.

Man pours champagne into glasses while two women and a toddler look on.

Focus on two glasses of champagne clinking while the rest of the family watches.

Black and white. Four women hold champagne glasses and hug. Black and white. Woman wipes away a tear while another women reaches toward her. Black and white. Two women emotionally hug while holding champagne glasses.

Girl holds onto the side of the pool while two hands out of the frame splash.

black and white. Boy wears hat and smiles.

three people shuck corn outside in the sun.
Mom and daughter hug inside the home.

Mom and daughter look at an illustration of a truck on a pool table.

Your son-in-law grilled as expertly as you did, ensuring your wife’s burger was ‘done.’  Just one more family story that sparks laughter every time. Your grandsons fell into place husking corn while your granddaughter helped set the table.  One would never know we were operating with a missing piece. ‘Shut the Box’ has become a staple game to your family; quick and competitive; and we always knew just the right words to add to our Pictionary grab bag to make sure hilarious guesses by all.  The answer, of course, was “Pokémon.”

It was not hard to make your summer dreams come true, it was our honor.

Lit grill with backayrd pool out of focus.

boy climbs out of pool on ladder and looks toward the light smiling. He is wearing goggles.

Black and white. Grandma and grandson play Shut The Box game.

woman smiles while lying in the sun. Woman in hat lays in the late afternoon sun.

Two people prepare the grill and put burgers on

Black and white. Two boys.

Two people grill burgers--smoke rises from the grill.

young boy plays with uncles beard

man places cheeseburgers on a platter.

Black and white. Dad playfully extends arms as young son emerges from sliding glass doors. Dad is in foreground and his reflection is in the background. Candid family photo.

Still scene. Colorful beach towels draped over chairs to dry in the late afternoon light.

Boys eat corn, other family members eat dinner too.

Wet swim suits line the brick wall at the end of the day to dry.

Sunflare lights the backyard full of family hving dinner together.

firecracker daylilies fill the garden

I loved to stroll around your home, tracing my fingers over the cover of your Bible, noting exactly where you left your reading glasses, sitting in your spot on the couch.  The ordinary moments of your life lived are the most comforting of all.  We took one last family photo in front of this home, just as we had done with you on Thanksgiving.  With your dreams now lived, it was time to say goodbye.  At first glance, these photos are an ordinary summer day but it is the story of you that has made them extraordinary.

Family portrait in front of the house.

Man points out of frame while drawing for Pictionary.

Family gathers in a pavilion to play Pictionary together. Boy at the easel.

Kids play Pictionary in the backyard at dusk.

View from the Pictionary easel of the all the guessers.

Two boys watch Pictionary game.

Black and white. Focus on young boy sitting on uncle's lap playfully tugging at his beard while family smiles from afar.

We think of you and love you every day. We also miss you. And so when we need the reminder that you are not far away, we pull out a photograph of you. Thank you for living your life for us.  We will go on living for you.

Amber

In loving memory of Bruce Clark, 1959-2018

Photos courtesy of Amber Rickman

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